Mornings do not grow any more blissful. As if I am walking in a road of struggle. Making my way out of a line of carcass feelings seemed to be a Herculean task to take. Enduring every single breath of abhorrence, twinge, inferiority and dejection. Yet, I feel no remorse. It’s as if I have been cursed by the gods of wail. An immortal blow it is that they have given me. Though it’s hard to stay serene and living, I still manage to do so… day by day.
You were my confidant and at the same time my poison. With every stare, every smile, every moment, you fill me in and slaughter my inconsistent corruptible emotions. Truly, you had become my sweetest sacrifice. Though I tried to stay away from you, there is no way for me to let go of this addiction.
None could be more confusing when you are standing at the midst of being sincere with what you feel and following the duty-bound laws.But still, you satiate your psyche with folly hallucinations draining your strength and capability to be happy at times when you needed to be. My mind and my heart have been cramped to the mere thought that only you could appease these erratic emotions that sickens me.
Innocently, you know not of my evening and morning struggles. You have no knowledge of my everyday toil for this thing I felt inside. But because I chose to leave things unsaid and undone, inside me it kills me. For I know that’s the right thing for me to do. Maybe, I was just dumbfounded by the way you have treated me. By the way you showed me sweetness and distinctive attention. And I admire you for that. My feeble heart was astonished by the mere sight of you. And I admit there were times that I longed for your presence and because I’m left confused of my feelings towards you, all I can do is to mourn silently.
But day by day, I have ascertained that you’re just one of those innocently sweet persons I would treasure. And I will be forever grateful for knowing you. For being my stanchion out of these melancholic fevers I am in. And sooner or later, what I feel inside towards you, I will get over with it and be the best person I can be for that one true person that is right for me. Still, I will be here for you as the person you knew inside and out.
2009.03.03
